joy unspeakable: Home is Where . . . ?

I found this on my desktop. Sometimes past Alyssa really messes with present Alyssa. :)
This was typed up and was meant to be posted a couple weeks ago but was somehow forgotten. So please enjoy this "two week old post"!

Last week I received my employment and travel card!!! It's not my Green Card, but it basically gives me all the benefits of having it a little early. I can start to work in the States and I can now travel back home to Canada.

My parents went on vacation this week and so I had the privilege of coming to Canada and hanging out with my brother all week. It's been a blast! We've enjoyed snacks from the Bulk Barn and Arrested Development marathons in our sweatpants almost every night. I've also been able to go back to the CH houses I used to work in to visit the individuals and staff in addition to a handful of coffee/lunch dates with friends and family. Did some shopping at my favourite Canadian stores and ate at some of my favourite Windsor restaurants. Sounds like a pretty great week, right?

It was pretty great. But it was also pretty hard.

It was hard being away from my new husband. We spent our entire relationship doing the long-distance thing, so how hard could it be to spend 5 days apart?

I felt this odd sense of being out of place all week. Like I didn't belong. Like this wasn't my home anymore. For the last four months I have been thinking of Portage as my "new home" and Windsor as my "real home". The suspense of sitting and waiting for my card was like torture. I ached to go HOME. But now that I was here, it didn't seem like I was at home. I was confused.

Maybe God needed me to learn this tough reality this week - that Windsor really wasn't my home anymore. Somehow I just couldn't come to terms with this.

But the real treat was when Luke got there on Friday. It was reminiscent of the three years that we spent apart. Of the anticipation of his arrival and the flood of joy when I heard that doorbell ring. And it happened just the same way that weekend - and we held each other like we had been apart for months. And all of a sudden I felt the peace I had been missing. I felt the quiet comfort I was used to. I felt…. home?

The truth of it is that this whole time it was never the place that made me feel like home. It was him. His warmth, his light, his love - that's what makes me feel "at home".

I have struggled with the "leave and cleave", but this was a huge step in the right direction. Since the day that we vowed before God and family and friends, HOME has been where my husband is. And that's where I belong.